that moment when all you want to do is talk to him. yeah im feeling like that now

i think im falling in love with him. it seems dumb bc we aren’t together but i just cant explain how i feel. its like he lights up my world brighter than anyone has before. Ive liked him for about 2 years and i just told him the other day and he said he likes me too. Theres just a teensy problem we live so fucking far away from each other. Id do anything to just be with him and spend time with him. My body yearns for the day where i get to hug him and just be with him. ugh this is killing me. Hopefully he likes me as much as i like him. I hope one day soon we can be together, its all i want. he’s got some issues but everyone does but id take him and those issues in a heartbeat, usually i wouldn’t but thats just how much i truly like him. Why does he have to be so far away. all i want to tell him is “please run away with me”. i wish this was easier but i guess in the long run when we see each other it will be worth the wait

so i can act like it doesn’t hurt and like i don’t care all i want but I DO CARE and IT DOES HURT A LOT. i never really show my feelings but that doesn’t mean that i don’t still have them. what hurts is to know that i wasn’t even worth your time to try and make it work. like do you know how much that fucking hurts to just have everyone give up on you. when you finally think every thing is going perfect but then its not bc it spirals down and down and down until it fucking blows up in your face! i stopped doing a lot of things bc it made me think of you like i couldn’t even go to the park without crying or being sad. thats where we first met. and every time im in metarie i still hope to see you around and have you say you made a mistake. and i can say how childish i think you are and get mad and hate your for a little but but then i remember the good times we had and I’m back to missing you. yeah i dont think we were meant to be together for forever but a little bit more time together would have been nice. you said you want to be my friend but i don’t know if i can it hurts to much to talk to you and not feel anything. i want to check up on you but i cant bc i dont want you to know i still care and i miss you. im waiting for you to show me that you miss me but thats never gonna happen. so until i hear from you first you wont hear from me. i honestly thought you were gonna be the boy i fell in love with the replace the holes in my heart from all the other boys it didn’t work out with. i just want you to know that this is goodbye

okay so I’m going to the movies with a boy named BenJesse tomorrow night and I’m kinda excited. i hope it goes well and its not really awkward. I’ve had a crush on him for a while but were just going as friends…i think. well now i have to figure out what to wear i need to look cute but not like dressy dressy. its gonna be so nice to go somewhere with a boy thats not Raymond or my ex Nicholas. Im just really really excited to see where it goes and what happens